Chapter Six: China:

In June, we arrived in China. It felt rather strange to be here. The elderly stared at me with frozen eyes. Before, I could sense the motive was curiosity. These people were almost glaring at us. I wanted to turn around and get back on the bus.

“Why are they staring at us like that?” I asked An in a whisper at the bus station. “Did we something wrong?”

“No,” she said. “Don’t pay any attention to them.”

“But…”

An began walking away from me. I ran to catch up with her. There was no god in China. They weren’t very religious at the time. We stood out, there was no way around it. An acted like it meant nothing to her. I still had many questions for her.

“Where are was staying?” I asked as we walked down the street.

“I know some old friends,” was all that An would say. I tried to come up with something to say, but nothing came out. Okay then… Looked like I would just have to trust her again. This time made my stomach turn.

Somehow, we ended up in an underground temple. The entry looked like an open shed on the surface. In fact, I tilted my head when I first saw it.

“Why are we here?” I asked. An walked through the open door and down the stone stairs.

“Keep up!” she shouted, halfway down. I about jumped into attention.

“Yes!” I yelped. I raced after her. The stairs were pretty slick. I didn’t even think that anyone even took care of this place. To be honest, I was scared of falling and busting my head open.

“Watch your step!” An shouted further down.

“Yes,” I said.

“And keep it down!”

I frowned as I lowered my eyes. You’re way louder than I am, lady. I thought. We came down to a wooden door. An knocked on it twice.

“Who is it?” a small voice whispered.

“Pilgrims,” An said. “We have come to seek shelter for a month.” The heavy door pulled open and a dirty face peeked out. His empty eyes stared me down as if to burn a hole in my soul. Something inside of me wanted to run away. The man moved from the door before I could react. I ended up following An through the door.

I still shudder when I remember those months underground.

The only source of light that we had was candlelight. The hoard of people underground only prayed and meditated. We didn’t really eat much. These people believed in living in poverty. I was too, but I lived a little more comfortable.

Everyone seemed so isolated. Nobody even made eye contact with each other. It felt creepy. An wouldn’t even talk to me for the five months we stayed there. It didn’t help that I was kept far away from her all the time. The only time that felt normal was taking a bath. The warm water let me wonder off in my mind. During that time, I started to do thinking about my life.

Maybe, I didn’t want to be a priestess, but I didn’t know what else to do either. I didn’t many skills at the time. My English wasn’t that good either. This pilgrimage was to help me see Asia for myself. Still, it wasn’t much to go on to branch out and away from religion. These thoughts in my head always made me depressed in the end. I would sink down into the water and breathe out in bubbles.

I want to get out of here. I want to go back above ground. I couldn’t live like this.

Despite being nearly blinded by the sun above ground, I was happy to leave China in November. I still didn’t know what I would do with my future.