Chapter Twenty-Four: Going Out into the World:

“Do you ever want to leave your hometown?” I asked.

“Why?” Yumi asked as she looked up at me.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I just can’t picture never leaving this town ever. That would drive me crazy.”

“Why do you feel like you have to leave?” she asked.

“It wouldn’t be for a long time,” I said. “Just for a couple of days or so.” Yumi thought about that for a moment.

“I couldn’t do it,” she said.

“What?” I asked.

“I’d get homesick too easily.”

“Ah.” I could kind of see what she was saying. It was a preference, I suppose.

“Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know. I guess sometimes I wonder if there is something still out there beyond us.” I reached out like I was looking for something. It’s funny. I used to not think about those things. Kaori really did a number on my head, didn’t she? I smiled and shook my head.

“What?” Yumi asked.

“Nothing,” I said. “It’s not important.” Yumi frowned. I patted her on the head. Sometimes, I tried to look thirty years from now. War will do that to you, you know? Some of my old comrades would never get that chance. I hadn’t tried to reach out to them. Honestly, I don’t know why. Maybe I was too busy. Or maybe I just couldn’t face them. Don told me such a thing was normal.

“Does that make me a bad person?” I asked.

“No,” he said. I turned my head. He patted me on the shoulder.

“Listen,” he said. “There are some triggers that people don’t want to ever encounter again. They try to avoid them the best that they can, but sometimes it just can’t be helped. And then there are times where you are the trigger.” He held up his hand before I could open my mouth.

“That’s not your fault. It happens and it’s crap.”

“So…” I said.

“So, you don’t look for them right away,” he summed up. “If they want to talk to you, they will try and find you themselves. What do you want to say to them anyway?” I didn’t have an answer for that.

Thinking back, I guess I was one of the lucky ones. What was luck anymore anyway? There had to be more for me than this. The trouble was that I didn’t know what it was. I had just started to come to a stable place. Now what?

“You alright?” Yumi asked.

“Wha?” I asked. I saw the look on her face. Oh damn it, I made her worry again. Time to ease the situation.

“I’m fine. I just don’t know what to do with myself,” I said.

“Is there any way that I can help?” she asked. I shook my head.

“Nah. Not with this,” I said. I rose to my feet. If I sat on that couch any longer, I would’ve sunk into the floor.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“Just out,” I said. I walked out of the living room. I will never get used to that couch.

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There had to be something beyond all of this. I don’t know. I kept going back and forth between whether I wanted more or not. Where I am now seemed kind of nice. This was the first time in years that I’ve had stability. The younger version of me would’ve thought that this would never happen. But here I am. The path to how I got here was weird, but I’m here. And I’m actually happy for once.

I sat down on the front step. I couldn’t remember being this happy before. Well, there was my time with Kaori. I didn’t see that happiness until it was too late. That was my price to pay for being a dumb kid.

I paused with that thought. You know, I still might be somewhat of an idiot now that I think of it. Shit. I’m happy, but yet I still can’t help but wonder…

I looked up when I noticed headlights on me. Oh, Yumi’s father must be home. I watched as the car door opened.

“You waiting for something?” he asked. I lifted my head.

“Oh… No, I just needed a moment,” I said. I stood up. Her father climbed out of the car and closed the door behind him.

“So what’s for dinner?” I asked.

“Yumi made some sort of a stew with her mom,” I said.

“Is it beef curry?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said. I turned and walked back into the house. Remembering all of that made me pretty hungry. Sure, there was probably something beyond this life and this town, but that would have to wait until dinner, I suppose.