Chapter Sixty-Two: One Night in the Room:

That night just made things worse. Judith was right. But I had to see my wife again. I just had to go back to her room. I know now that it was wrong of me. But I just had to see her again. I gently knocked on her door. I had my ear pressed against the door. A low moan came from inside. My heart jumped in my throat.

“Madonna?” I asked. “Are you still awake?” No answer. A pit formed in my stomach. Oh…

“I’m coming in, okay?” I whispered. I opened the door a crack. I looked inside. The lights were off.

“Madonna? Are you still awake?” I asked. No response. I should’ve turned around and left. I could’ve ended it there.

“Dear?” a small voice croaked. I froze in my tracks. My heart began to ache. I felt my body slowly walking closer to the bed. I could see Madonna sitting on the bed. She must have been there for days. I stood at the foot.

“Are you feeling okay?” I asked. There was no answer. She just stared at me. Something compelled me to come closer. I climbed up onto the bed.

“Please, talk to me,” I pleaded. Madonna wouldn’t even look me in the eye. I took her by the cheeks and turned her face to me. Her eyes looked so dead. My stomach dropped. I did this to her? I ruined her like this? I shook my head.

“I’m so sorry, my love,” I said.

“Don’t,” Madonna said. I froze. Nothing I could say would sway her. Judith was right. I was the one killing the love. Why couldn’t I stop it then and there? I leaned in for a kiss. She didn’t resist. By now, I think she lost the will to care. I slowly pulled away. Neither one of us spoke. I leaned in for another kiss. She still didn’t respond. I could kiss a statue and get more of a reaction. Still, I didn’t stop. Madonna didn’t stop me. She just dropped back onto the bed. I slid off her nightgown.

One thing led to another, and you can figure out where this was heading. Yeah…

Madonna didn’t even try and stop me. Do I wish that she had? I don’t know. Looking back it wouldn’t have made a difference. It was like something compelled me to be close to her like this. Maybe that was why I couldn’t let her go all of those years ago. Plus, World War II made it easier for Kami to not keep track of her and me. Now, I almost wished that he had. Maybe then I wouldn’t have killed her soul.

It was easy for me to get up and walk out of her room. Slip away while she slept. I tried to climb out of her bed. A small hand wrapped around my wrist. I looked down to see my wife staring at me in the dark. There nothing in her eyes. I tried to pull away, but she wouldn’t let me go. This was part of the problem. By then, my wife hated me, but she wouldn’t let me go.

“Come on,” I said. “I don’t know what you want from me.” Madonna didn’t answer. I sighed and shook my head. In the end, I stayed in bed with her. I really shouldn’t have. But there I was, making the problem worse than it needed to be. I would only be able to leave in the morning.

Days later, I would learn that my wife was pregnant—again.