Chapter Fifteen: Peaceful Days:

I used to want excitement all the time. Isn’t that normal when you are young? I wanted to be a hero, the tough guy. Yeah, I was that kind of kid. I didn’t want it to be just another day. And then life came along and answered in a way that would make me want to take it all back.

I didn’t have a great childhood. There are some things I would rather not get into. My dad wasn’t a nice person. My mom? I barely remember her at all. There are some parts of my childhood I barely even remember. It wasn’t a pretty picture. By the time some hint of stability did come along, you could imagine that I didn’t trust it so easily.

School and I just didn’t get along. What was the point of me being there? I didn’t care. Still, I wanted some excitement in my life. I didn’t think it would come to me. I was just getting by. At the time, I thought that was good enough.

Then shecame along.came along.

I probably should back up a bit. She did come to me early on. I was a kid when I first met her. The details on how and when that happened were still hazy to me. All that mattered was that she showed me there was some excitement in my life already. It was too young to see it at the time.

Before I met Kaori, I didn’t have any goals or ambitions. I was just drifting. Sometimes, I was alone. Other times, people drifted into my life. They never stayed. They were never friends. I didn’t know what they were. They were there one moment and then gone the next. I was used to it.

That all changed when Kaori came along.

I thought she would disappear from my life too. But she didn’t. In the beginning, I waited for her to betray my trust. I wasn’t sure why she was interested in me. There had to be some sort of a trick somewhere. But there was no trick involved. She stayed in my life. I couldn’t figure her out and she didn’t give me a straight answer. Over time, it didn’t seem to matter. It was the first time that I let someone in who was trying to get through.

However, there was one question that I couldn’t help but ask.

“Do you ever wish that something exciting would happen?” I asked her in the middle of summer on my apartment roof.

“Like what?” Kaori asked. I shrugged and shook my head.

“I don’t know, something,” I said. My girlfriend thought about that for a second before she shook her head.

“No,” she said. I sat up with a confused look on my face.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I mean… Excitement isn’t always a good thing. War, natural disasters, crime, illness, and violence are exciting, but they aren’t good things.”

“I don’t mean those.” I tried to think of something else to add but came up with nothing. “I’m just tired of the same old thing in this town. Nothing changes around here. Don’t you ever get bored around here?”

“No.”

My face dropped. “How?”

“I’m okay with how things are around here. We’re safe. Things might be tough, but I have you in my life. We’re alive and healthy. I couldn’t ask for more.” In a way, I envied her. She always looked for the light and happiness in the world. She didn’t live in my world. Part of me feared that she would become tainted if she stayed by my side. I couldn’t bring myself to push her away.

How ironic that was what it ended up happening.

There are many reasons why people join the military. Stability, excitement, duty, ego, a hunger for blood, or a combination of other reasons. I joined for stability, but part of me had to admit that I was looking for excitement. I did it to give Kaori and me a better life. Had I known that it would cost me my relationship…

“I did this for us!” I tried to reason with her. Kaori wouldn’t listen. She didn’t understand. Looking back, it felt like more of an excuse. Yes, I wanted to give Kaori and me a better life before we got married. I thought when I did my time, she and I would make up and everything would be fine. In the meantime, I would make the most of it and try to seek the excitement I was looking for.

Well, I certainly got my wish.

Training was about ten months before my unit was off to war. No one is prepared to go to battle. Even some of the gun-ho weren’t ready for this. The whole time, Kaori’s voice rang out in my head.

Please don’t kill anyone!

I couldn’t make that promise to her at the time. Despite this, her words stuck with me. I don’t think I killed anyone. If I did, I don’t remember. To tell you the truth, I blocked out most of what happened during the war. We weren’t supposed to be there. This wasn’t even our war. We weren’t supposed to be fighting. Originally, we were just giving aid. Things got out of hand during the war and the next thing we knew, we were fighting. Some of the soldiers in my unit didn’t know what to do. A couple were happy to see some action. Me?

I couldn’t believe this was happening.

I had to pinch myself in the cheek the morning we got our orders. We were never meant to go to war. I didn’t understand what was going on.

“Aren’t we supposed to stay out of foreign wars?” I asked. No one dared to answer me. Not out loud, at least. You aren’t supposed to ask questions in the military. You just keep quiet and follow orders. The old version of me would’ve hated it. But I kept my mind on making a better life for Kaori and me. That was one thing that kept me going.

War will change a man. I saw it around me one too many times. It started to change me as well. I’ve seen people who were close to being called a friend die. Some of them were shot right in front of my own eyes. One minute they would be talking about what they planned to do when they got home and then… Boom! They didn’t even get time to know what hit them. After watching them die so many times and seeing so many bodies, I just got numb to it. I think that’s what scared me the most.

Getting back to the real world once the war was over was the hardest part. I was alone again. I should’ve been used to it by now. Only, I just felt numb. I didn’t have anywhere else to go. For all I knew, my old man was dead and buried somewhere. (I never bothered to try and look.) When Yumi came along and found me in that unfinished neighborhood, I didn’t know what to think. How could she be so quick to trust a random stranger like me? She was a bit too trusting for her own good. The fact that her parents were okay with it made things even weirder. Food and a warm house don’t allow you to think about such things in the moment.

Since then, things have been quieter. Aside from the gas attack in the train station, there had only been little adventures around this city. Frankly, I found myself okay with that. Yumi’s parents didn’t question where I’ve been or what it was like in the war. They come to treat me like their son. Because of them, I’ve come to live my new life here. I love working at the activity center. I love the people that I have come to call family. I love the quiet days in the neighborhood. Most of all, I love Yumi.

I sat in front of the house, watching the neighborhood at sunset. It looked like it was going to be another quiet evening with clear skies. There are still days that I wonder if I’m dreaming or not. Like I’m going to wake up and find myself back on the battlefield. One time, I wondered if I had died and this was some sort of a dying fantasy. Or maybe that I died and went to Heaven somehow. It took months for me to realize those were just thoughts of doubt that I was having in my head. Those will come to pass someday. I don’t pinch myself in the cheek as much as I did anymore. Now, I’m focusing on enjoying the quiet and building a future with Yumi.

I smiled as I watched the different hues and tones in the sky. I used to want excitement in my life. Now, I’m happy to have just another day.