Chapter Twenty-Four: Fall Apart:

-Paul-

I had someone in my life. It didn’t last long. I have a vague reason why. There was an argument before she left. It was on New Year’s Eve. I couldn’t forget it if I tried. She was the one who suggested that we go out that evening. I didn’t want to go.

“You never take me out anywhere,” she complained. I looked up at her. I wasn’t one to go out on the town. I just wanted to spend New Year’s at home. Debbie wanted to go out all of the time. I didn’t understand it.

“Please?” Debbie asked. I rolled my eyes and rubbed my forehead.

“Whatever,” I muttered.

So, we ended up going out. I didn’t want to do this, but she wouldn’t shut up. I just did it to make her happy. I don’t know why Debbie was so desperate to make me more sociable toward the end there. I meant to ask her why. It just never crossed my mind.

I don’t remember what we were arguing about or what caused it. I laughed to myself. It’s so weird. I can remember the day it happened but I don’t remember too much about it. I have the feeling I might have started it. All I know was that Debbie yelled at me and walked off before the countdown began. I was left in the streets alone. We didn’t talk before we had to evacuate. I don’t know where she is or how she’s doing.

I looked over at Nancy lying on the guest bed. She’s trying so hard. I don’t know how she does this or way. There isn’t much going on here. I’ve been doing fine just getting by. Nancy’s been so desperate to get back to wherever she came from. I don’t know what she hopes to get out of it. I was fine until she came here with her daughter. I can’t even remember why I took them in.

“What do you plan to do now?” I asked. Nancy looked over at me.

“Get my radio to work,” she said. “Contact for help. Try to survive. And then leave.”

“And what if you can’t get anyone to come and get you?” I asked. Nancy rolled her eyes.

“Then I am going to try and survive before I find anywhere else to go,” she said.

“And go where?”

“I don’t know! Somewhere, okay?” She tried to roll over onto her side. “Now just leave me alone!” I just stood there. It felt like that night with Debbie on New Year’s Eve.

I couldn’t tell if Debbie and I were dating. I wouldn’t call her my girlfriend. I did care about her though. She was one of the only few people in my life who still cared about me. I don’t know what she saw in me. Maybe I was just one of her pet projects to pass the time. Only, it didn’t really feel like that. Sure, we spent time together. We did kiss. We even shagged once. Debbie did want to move in once upon a time. But I couldn’t figure out what the point was. It kind of felt like something was a stake if we didn’t. At least, that’s what it felt like at times. Debbie wouldn’t leave me alone. She had a life outside of whatever we had. She could’ve hung around with her mates and her family. I wasn’t stopping her. But she chose me each time and I still don’t understand why.

“Why me?” I asked her one day four years ago.

“What do you mean?” Debbie asked. I shrugged and shook my head.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I mean, you could have any bloke you wanted. Why me? What makes me so special?” She rested her head on my chest.

“Does there have to be a reason?” she asked.

“Well… Yeah,” I said.

“You looked lonely,” Debbie said.

“Lonely? Me?” It sounded absurd at the time. But Debbie got it in her mind that I was lonely. Maybe she was right, but I wasn’t going to admit that to anyone.

While lost in my thoughts as I stared at Nancy’s back, I remembered the last thing I said to Debbie on that New Year’s Eve.

“You’re not my fucking girlfriend!”

I hadn’t meant to shout that at her. It just came out. Debbie looked hurt at first before she became livid. I stood there stunned as she hurled a string of abuse at me before she stormed off. I wasn’t sure if I had dumped her in that moment or not. It just happened so fast that I didn’t get a chance to grasp what happened. Even now, I still can’t piece together everything that happened.

“I had somebody once,” I said. What the hell? Why did I say that? I noticed that Nancy was looking over at me like I was growing a giraffe out of my spine.

“What?” I asked. I stood there, blinking. What just happened? Was I really going to do this? Was I going to open up to another person about my supposed “ex”? I pressed my lips together.

“I think we were dating,” I said.

“What the hell does that mean?” Nancy asked. I braced myself to tell her the whole complicated and confusing story of my relationship with Debbie.