Chapter Twenty: Longing:

I don’t understand my mind lately. I took a walk along the empty street. I used to not pay them any mind. Now they just look… so… sad. I shook my head. What is wrong with me? It didn’t used to be like this. All I had to do was look after myself. Then it was me and a dog. Now, I have a pregnant bird, her kid, and a dog to look after. Soon, there will be a baby too. Damn it. I didn’t ask for this. Why does everything have to be so complicated in my life?

I need to go back to everything being simple. But huh? They have nowhere else to go. There are other houses, but still…

I made a face as I frowned. There I go again. I need to focus on simple. I looked down the road. There weren’t many places to go in town. This place was deserted after all. When did this place get so depressing? I hadn’t had a desire to leave it. I might not have a choice in the matter. But where were we going to go? The whole city is just the same. Abandoned and empty. We don’t have any way to leave. Most of the cars in this neighbourhood were gone. We can’t get far on foot.

I stopped in my tracks. It’s too soon to think about all of that. I’m supposed to be walking to clear my head. I keep going down mental rabbit holes and I don’t like it. I needed to distract myself. I took in a slow breath. I needed something else to think about.

It’s been rather nice to have Nancy around. She can be annoying but I think I like that she’s near. I don’t know what it is. Lately, I can’t help but smile to myself when I think about them. It’s been nice to talk to someone again. Nancy managed to pull back some. She isn’t trying to be too controlling. She still tries to keep order around the house. Okay, okay, she has a kid and another one on the way. I guess that she has to be in control of something. I gave up at that point. Let her have something around here.

Nancy wasn’t serious all of the time, though. She claims that she likes to have fun. I have yet to see this for myself.

“Could’ve fooled me,” I muttered under my breath.

“What was that?” Nancy asked. I shrugged and shook my head. She was frowning at me now. I tried not to laugh when I looked at her face.

“What?” she asked.

“Nothing,” I lied. “Nothing.” Nancy frowned as she rolled her eyes.

“Wanker,” she said.

“What?” I asked. “I’m a joy to be around.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” she said. I cocked my head to the side.

“What was that?” I asked. Nancy shrugged as she gave me an innocent look.

“Nothing,” she lied. “Nothing at all.” I glared at her but I couldn’t help but break down laughing. Nancy laughed with me. I couldn’t remember the last time I laughed like that.

I looked down the path from where I came. I guess I like having Nancy and Ava around. What is happening to me? I don’t know what it is and I don’t know what to make of it. I turned around and walked back the way I came. I don’t know what to do with this. I guess I am just going to have to go with it.

Oh boy…