Cruel World:

I wanted this all to be a nightmare. Suki’s empty eyes shot down those hopes. He stooped so low to get to me. Suki had nothing to do with this. He knew that she was here and lured me home to kill her. I didn’t have the energy to scream. Kaoru didn’t care how far he was going to take this. I couldn’t worry about that right now, though.

What was I going to do with Suki’s body?

The police won’t believe me. Why would they? I ended up going to prison or a mental hospital. I shook my head. That’s not going to work. I closed my eyes and took in a breath.

Right…

I hated that I had to come down to this, but I have no choice right now. I’m so sorry to do this to you, Suki-chan.

I got out of bed and wrapped up Suki in the sheets. I remembered there was a place on this property with a patch of trees and useless land. Not the best place, but it would have to do. I said a quick prayer over the body before tucking the sheets in tighter. Let’s see, if I move now, I won’t attract so much attention. Most of the neighbors aren’t up at this time of morning anyway. I didn’t have time to go over this in my head.

I knelt down and picked Suki’s body. They weren’t joking about bodies being heavy. I didn’t think I was going to even get her across the room. Alone, this would be a nightmare. I had gotten used to being solo, though. But I lived in a big house at the time. I still had to go down the stairs and get to the back door. I rolled my shoulders back.

Might as well get this over with. Please forgive me, Suki-chan.

I dragged Suki head first across the room. My shoulders and back began to ache. I had to stop and take some breaths at the door. My stomach dropped as I looked down the stairs. It was then I mapped out the rest of my path from there. Out of this room, down the stairs, through the living room, go out through the yard, and down in that deep patch of dirt. Plus, I still needed the tools to bury Suki.

The stairs were where the real work began. I had to be careful or I would break my neck from a nasty fall. I could slow steps down with Suki’s body wrapped up in the sheets. I looked down once I got out of the room. When did we have that many stairs? It didn’t look like it when I was growing up. I forced myself to stay focused as I dragged Suki’s body down the stairs. I quietly apologized the whole time. Aside from my mother in the hospital, Kaoru had taken all but one of my friends. I needed to call and warn Hikari about him coming towards her. Plus, there was still my father, grandparents, aunt, and uncles. What about all of them? I should call them and see how they are. I felt bad for disappearing on them and not contacting them. But it was for their own good.

When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I sat on the floor, panting. I looked around the empty space. When was my family getting home? I probably should’ve asked Suki when she was still alive. I should’ve known the peace I experience wouldn’t last long. No matter where I went, Kaoru would right there, waiting to torment me. All because of what some woman did to him in the past. I gritted my teeth. I have to end this now.

To my surprise, the walk through the kitchen and family room wasn’t so bad. I decided to face the front as I dragged Suki’s body further. It didn’t feel like I had dragged her all the way from my room upstairs. I still wasn’t finished either. When I opened the door, the weather betrayed me. Why did it have to be raining this morning? I could deal with it if it was a light drizzle. Instead, I was stuck with heavy rain in autumn. I puffed up my cheeks. Just a little further to go.

I didn’t even bother to put on a pair of shoes as I dragged Suki’s body outside into the yard. I’m so sorry, my dear friend. We’re just about finished with this. When this is all over, I will give you a proper burial. The rain felt heavy as I drained the body through the yard. On a normal day, it didn’t feel that long. My body felt like it would fall to pieces in the wet grass and mud. I could hear Kaoru laughing at me in the back of my head. He seduced me and part me down this path. I used to be happy and a good person. I didn’t even know this guy until my birthday weekend. If I had just walked away from him that night, then maybe… Maybe…

I sat down in middle of my yard. I couldn’t feel the rain hitting my skin. What am I doing here? I shouldn’t be trying to bury a friend in secret. She shouldn’t be dead because of my stalker. She shouldn’t be house-sitting for my family since I went into hiding. I should be home with my family. Mother should be happy and humming around the house. My friends shouldn’t be dead. Aki and I should be getting married. None of this should be happening.

Kaoru never left me time for tears anymore. This would be the last time that I would get to cry for anyone. I stood up and continued my cross to bear. I still needed a shovel, but I couldn’t leave the body leaving there. I would get Suki down to the trees and then get the shovel. My body about gave out by the time I got to the ledge. To my surprise, the sheets didn’t unwrap. I fell back onto the wet grass. I stared at the grey clouds hoovering over the yard. Something inside of me started to crumble. Was I laughing? I couldn’t tell. That was how much Kaoru had broken me. Something inside of me died that day. I finished the hardest part, but I still wasn’t finished. It was then I realized that I had to bury my former self in order to end this nightmare. Would I come out of this intact? Would I even survive this?

Once again, I had to push those thoughts out of my head.

I pushed myself to my feet and walked over to one of our sheds. I didn’t remember when I grabbed the key from the kitchen. All I remember is that the key was in my hand and I was unlocking the heavy lock. I went in and came back with the shovel in my hands. When I dug that deep hole in the rain, I made the decision to bury everything along with my dear friend, Suki. I am so sorry, my precious friend. You weren’t supposed to get mixed up into this. I promise that I will give you a proper burial when this is all over. Please forgive me until then.

When I threw the last bit of dirt on Suki’s grave, I thought it was over.

I walked up back to the house. I thought that I would clean up, change clothes, get something to eat, and slip away. Nobody will even know that I was here. I could just stay isolated and not let Hikari or the rest of my family get hurt. Yes, that will work.

When I walked back in through the open back door, I was in for a shock. My family stood around the door, looking at me. Something inside of me snapped me back into reality.

“Setsuna-chan?” my beloved aunt asked. “What are you doing here? What’s going on?” I stared at them with nothing to say.

I used to be a good person, but now things were getting worse.