Chapter Eleven: Dimming Lights:

-July 12th, 2011-


I lived an exciting life. I was born a man, but I knew I was really a woman inside. My early life was boring. I had a mom, dad, and an older brother. I went to school and got good grades. I even went on a couple of dates.

But none of it felt right. I lived a lie. Everything I said sounded rehearsed. I don’t know why I played along. I couldn’t be the real me.

I could’ve been born a girl. I wish I had been. I was ugly as a boy. I hated myself for it.

I started to dress like a girl secret. I loved dresses, make-up, and pretty things.

But, my time frowned upon boys in skirts. Men wore pants. They weren’t allowed to cry. The men had to be strong. My father wanted my brother and me to be like him.

My brother succeeded. I did not.

Now, I wasn’t gay. But, I wasn’t straight either. I just didn’t want a relationship. Sure, I talked to people. I only dated girls because I was told to. I was supposed to go high school, then college, get a job, get married, have a child, retire, and die.

Well, I did two of those. Sort of.

High school was just a play. You had to play your part. I played mine with no problems.

But, I grew to hate it. The girl inside me couldn’t take. She wanted to be free. By age fifteen, she got her wish.

And, I didn’t stop it.

It started with my hair. I grew it out like I did when I was child. To my shoulders, though. To my back would give me away. Soon, I wore make-up. Finally came the dresses. I had to put those on while en route to school. It felt so… liberated. As a girl, I talked, flirted, and had more friends. I could pass myself as a girl easily too. Yes! This was who I was supposed to be.

But a year later, I was found out.

I had gotten bolder by then. I dressed up at home. Dumb, I know. But I loved the challenge. Would I be caught today? What would happen? Who would catch me? What would I do then?

I had my answers as I put on lipstick. My father glared at me.

“Dad?” I asked. He yelled at me and let me have it. I was a boy, he said. Boys didn’t wear dresses or make-up. I was not a girl. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This time, I wouldn’t hear it.

“No!” I shouted. “I like dressing like this! This is who I am! This is the real me!” I ended up dad’s personal punching bag. He screamed at about what a failure I was. I needed to be a man. This and that. This and that. This and that.

Funny thing, I was smiling during the whole beating. I began to see things for what they really were. The stage known as life broke away.

I knew what I had to do.

By sixteen, I moved out and dropped out of school. I felt freer than I had been in my life. But, I had no home or money. Guess how I supported myself. Yes.

I sold my body.

Heh. So many men confused about their sexuality. I must have been an enigma to them. I passed as a girl too well. I also mastered the act of seduction. Because of my looks and skills, I had money, shelter, basic needs, and pretty things.

I partied through my twenties. I was adored and I enjoyed it. All I loved was my freedom. I could do what I wanted. I didn’t have to confine to the stiffness of Japanese society. I could like the glamourous party life and not worry about hurting anyone.

Then, he came along. Damn.

-Present Day-

Tsuzuki and Hisoka arrived at an abandoned bar. They found a man in his forties dressed in drag. He smirked to himself.

“Heh,” he said. “Have you come for me at last, shinigami-san?” The man turned his head.