There are many things I want to forget. I stood before my mirror, trembling. I hate what I see. Scars exist all over my body. Only I can see them, however. Men did this to me, but my father did the worst damage.
He turned me into what I am today. All of my make-up canít hide my scars. A smile canít help either. Forgetting would probably help me.
I want to forget about what my father did to me. I want to forget about all of those men I slept with. I want to forget the pain. I want to forget that.
I glanced at the number fourteen on my back. I still feel it burning on my skin. I remember everything because of it. I hear her laughing at me. To be honest, I want to vomit. I donít need any more nightmares. I already have my father haunting me. At least now, Iím not alone.
Thirty-six others will die with me. In a way, it scares me more. I only know two of them. Iím not sure if I even want to meet the others. I just want to be able to forget this fear. I keep falling behind. I gave up on wishing my life was different. I should be happy that Iím finally getting my wish to die, but Iím afraid. Something in me doesnít want to die yet. It keeps screaming, ďLive, fight!Ē Itís strange; that voice was never there before. Now that I am dying, it wonít stop.
I know why.
I met him three weeks ago. Heís different from all of the men I met. Heís not looking for sex from me or anything. He makes me feel normal. All we do is talk. Iím okay with that. However, I canít shake the feeling of unease when Iím around him. Itís like Iím expecting him to betray me in some way. Thatís what men do after all. They use me, betray me, and leave in the end. Thatís how my life has been. But, heís different somehow. Heís like me. Weíre going to die on the Fire Festival together. He too has a number like me.
Thinking about that made realize something. I want to forget everything else, but not him. I donít want to forget about him!