Forgetting

*Karen*

There are many things I want to forget. I stood before my mirror, trembling. I hate what I see. Scars exist all over my body. Only I can see them, however. Men did this to me, but my father did the worst damage.

He turned me into what I am today. All of my make-up can�t hide my scars. A smile can�t help either. Forgetting would probably help me.

I want to forget about what my father did to me. I want to forget about all of those men I slept with. I want to forget the pain. I want to forget that.

I glanced at the number fourteen on my back. I still feel it burning on my skin. I remember everything because of it. I hear her laughing at me. To be honest, I want to vomit. I don�t need any more nightmares. I already have my father haunting me. At least now, I�m not alone.

Thirty-six others will die with me. In a way, it scares me more. I only know two of them. I�m not sure if I even want to meet the others. I just want to be able to forget this fear. I keep falling behind. I gave up on wishing my life was different. I should be happy that I�m finally getting my wish to die, but I�m afraid. Something in me doesn�t want to die yet. It keeps screaming, �Live, fight!� It�s strange; that voice was never there before. Now that I am dying, it won�t stop.

I know why.

I met him three weeks ago. He�s different from all of the men I met. He�s not looking for sex from me or anything. He makes me feel normal. All we do is talk. I�m okay with that. However, I can�t shake the feeling of unease when I�m around him. It�s like I�m expecting him to betray me in some way. That�s what men do after all. They use me, betray me, and leave in the end. That�s how my life has been. But, he�s different somehow. He�s like me. We�re going to die on the Fire Festival together. He too has a number like me.

Thinking about that made realize something. I want to forget everything else, but not him. I don�t want to forget about him!