Chapter seventeen: I Do Not Want This:

I sat in my car, crying. Daniel was one of the few people who was nice to me. But I didn’t want to be pulled back to that place. It took me years to pull me out. It took my all not to break down in front of Daniel. I grabbed my head.

What was wrong with me? I should be above this by now. Years of therapy hasn’t come down to this. I won’t go back to that broken little girl I was back in high school. I can’t do it.

I pulled out my cell phone.

“Hello?” Dr. Mackle asked on the other line. I wiped away my tears as I sniffled.

“Hello? Celeste is that you?” she asked. I lifted my head.

“What’s the matter, Celeste?” Dr. Mackle asked.

“There’s a murder investigation in my hometown,” I finally said.

“Your neighbor?” she asked.

“Yes,” I whimpered.

“Are they asking you to help solve it?”

“No.”

There was a pause over the phone. “Then… what is it?” I reclined my chair back when I thought I saw a couple of old ladies that I thought I knew from church. I lay back in my chair, staring up at the ceiling. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

“My old bully might be the suspect,” I said.

“Oh…” Dr. Mackle said. I pushed my bangs out of my eyes.

“I don’t know how to handle it if I run into her,” I said.

“Let me guess, is she on the run?” she asked.

“It seems that way,” I said. “They police are looking for her.” I gulped, deciding on whether I should tell her more or not.

“Are you having a panic attack right now?” my therapist asked.

“No,” I said.

“Are you okay?”

“No!”

“Where are you right now?”

I sniffled as I wiped away more tears. “The parking lot of Piggly Wiggly.”

“Okay, I will stay on the phone with you until you are ready to go home.”

“Thank you.” I took in deep breaths as I sobbed. I just cuddled up in the fetal position and let the tears out again. Dr. Mackle has always been supportive of me. She’s been there for years, trying to fix my problems. I don’t know how she does. Dr. Mackle mostly got me back on track to a better future. (I mean, I still have my issues but I have been doing better until I came home.) Then she had to say the one thing that I dreaded but I knew that I had to do this.

“Maybe you could use this trip to confront your triggers and find closure,” Dr. Mackle said in my ear. My stomach dropped.

“Please don’t…” I pleaded.

“You don’t necessarily have to confront Michelle,” she said. “Just go back to your old school or all of the old places you used to visit. Just anything to let go of your pain.”

“But how will I do that?” I asked.

“You will know when the time comes,” Dr. Mackle said. “Right now, take your time to pull yourself together.”

“Okay,” I said, sniffling.

“You pull through with this,” she said. “You are stronger than you think. I have seen you rise above many times.” I had no idea that this quest to rise above would include being dragged into this case and seeing my old school bully again.