Karen II

-Karen-

I hate myself sometimes. I can’t take it anymore. My father did this to me. I felt myself beginning to cry.

“What’s wrong?” J.T. asked. I shook my head. The tears filled my eyes. J.T. He’s such a sweetheart. I don’t deserve him. He could have any girl he wanted but he chose me. I don’t understand it. He rested his hand on my shoulder. The tears spilled from my eyes.

“Don’t,” I said. “Please…” I broke down sobbing. I hate my mind.

“Karen,” J.T. said. I didn’t respond.

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“My father ruined me.” Therapy made it worse. I wanted to forget about it. But Saito makes me dig it up. He says that I have to.

I buried my head in my hands. I can’t take this anymore.

“Do you need a moment?” Saito-sensei asked. I didn’t answer.

I want this to stop. I want to stop crying. But I don’t know what to do. I think I’m going to be sick.

“Excuse me,” I whispered. I got up and ran out of the room. I spent the rest of the session in the bathroom.

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It’s Saturday. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I called in sick this morning. (Ha! Sex workers taking a sick day. I laughed at the thought too.) I stared at my ceiling. I hate being alone.  Suddenly, my phone rang.

Hm? I thought I turned that off.

“Hello?” I asked.

I froze. No…

“Dad?” I asked. My heart jumped into my throat. No. This can’t be. No. No! What he said next made it worse.

“Aren’t you going to let me in?” he asked. My blood ran cold.

“What?” I asked.

“Aren’t you going to let me in?” he asked again. My heart pounded against my chest as I looked around the room.

“Uh… where are you now?” I asked.

“I’m outside your door,” he said. I thought I was going to be sick. No. No! How did he find me?! I thought I was careful! I broke down crying as my mind went back to eight-year-old me. Please me alone. Please leave me alone!