Chapter Nine: The First Date:

Now that you got your object of affection’s attention, it’s time for the first date. Do not try to fuck this up. I know how we are as human beings. We tend to complicate things. We don’t need to do that. Remember what I told you in the last chapter? Do all of that for this first date. Listen to what I am about to tell you.

First, you have to plan out the date. Now, do not go into debt for this. Sure the first date is special, but it can be as simple as a work around the city. You still have to look nice. Bathe! Shower! Deodorant is your friend! It does not take long to bathe! Trust me, your date will thank you. So will everyone in public. Next, you have to look nice. You don’t have to wear your fanciest clothes. At least iron your outfit and make sure that it’s washed. Do something with your hair. Brush your teeth too. You don’t want to kill anyone with your breath. Why do all of this? You want to make a good impression, of course. Don’t make your date have buyer’s remorse. Clean yourself up to the best of your ability. After that, you are on your way to a good date.

Let your date decide where to go. This is the first time you are going out together. You want this to go well? Communicate with each other. You know, the thing you did when you hooked your date in in the first place. Open the question to them and then you listen. Don’t half-listen. Keep your mouth closed and listen. Granted, your date could want you to take control. This is fine. Let them say that themselves. After they put their input, you add your suggestions. Once you could to a decision, plan out the time and meeting place. After that is all set-up, off you go.

Of course, there a couple of things to keep in mind before you get to that point. Be on time, early even. If you are going to be late, let your date know ahead of time. Leaving them high and dry is just wrong. It makes you look like an asshole. You don’t look like an asshole, do you? Of course you don’t. So show up early or on time. If you are going to be late, let them know.

Now for the fun time. Pay attention to your date. Read the room. Do not text while you are eating. Treat them like a human being. Hold the doors open for them—both the buildings and cars. You will look like a decent human being if you do. Bring up topics that will not put them off like something anything morbid or offensive. (Again, even if you are into that stuff, this is the first date. I am no saying to lie. I am just saying hold off until they get to know you better.) Now, for the payment of everything.

Bring the right amount of money with you at all times. You don’t want to look like a cheap date. You make the payments. Don’t ask your date to pay. That’s just rude. Make the payments unless they offer to do it themselves. If they offer to pay half, then you both pay half and half.

Once you enjoy your date, it’s time for your date to go home. Walk them home. Even if they say no, walk them home anyway. You are trying to look reliable and wanting to keep them safe. Walk them up to the door. Tell them you had a fun time and wish them a good night. A kiss at the door is fine. If they invite you in, that is fine. Do not push it. You will look creepy and desperate. Once they are inside, take your ass home.

Now outside of all of this, there can still be problems. Be before for anything and everything that can go wrong. You can’t have a perfect date. Just make the most of it. If you don’t want to see each other again, cut your loses and move on. You deserve better. If your date goes well, you can prepare for the second date. Either way, I wish you luck.