Chapter Two: Ladies First:

I want to take a minute to talk to the ladies out there. It’s always been you first. This time will be no different. Sit down and take a minute to hear me out. This will be heavy. Where have you heard that one before? You’re about to hear it again. Bear with me.

Puberty will smack you faster than a woman who learned that her boyfriend played around on her. You used to be skinny and flat all over. But then, you look in the mirror and…

Bam!

Where did the boobs come from? When did you get this curvy? What… What the hell is happening?

Okay, maybe that’s not true for all girls. For some, their bodies haven’t gotten the memo yet to change. They still look like children with their skinny frame and flat chests. Why is that? Think of puberty like the slot machine. Some hit jackpot while other are shit out of luck. It happens. Deal with it.

Now onto some facts.

Once the boobs come in, it’s time for some bra shopping. The older females in your family always make a huge deal about this. It is to be expected. Their little girl is becoming a woman. They don’t even go for the cute bras for your first one nine times out of ten. They usually go for the dull and ugly ones. It’s not your fault. You can’t voice what you want in a way that will make them listen. It doesn’t help that the store clerk is just as cheerful as the women folk in your family. (That’s their job. They need the money.) You have to get measured for the right size. It’s not fun, but just in endure it. The sooner you get this over with, the sooner you can get on with life. (Trust me on this one.)

Once you get your bra fitting, the boys, and some ladies, will be looking. You will never know what they are thinking when they look. They might like what they see. Or thinking about a way to cut you down to size. Why does it matter? It doesn’t. Not really at least. You have to take good care of yourself. Not just for reputation, but to outlive your enemies. Nothing’s better than having the last laugh as still being alive while they are cold in the ground.

Then there is that time of the month. Oh buddy.

Everything is going great in your world. Then, your favorite panties are stained red. This will happen every month until you are in your forties. Stock up on pads and tampons right away. And of course, the women folk in your family will make a big deal about it. Just like with bra shopping, it is to be expected. Their little baby will be a woman before they know it.

Anyway, back to that time of the month.

Aside from potential genetic problems that could pop up, they are just annoying. If you are not careful, those cute little panties of yours could be ruined because of a leakage. You suffer from cramps. Then there’s the bloating. Oh god. You can’t fit in your favorite jeans. You will also want to stuff your face with everything edible in sight. Then the tears won’t stop rolling.

Sound like a nightmare growing? Don’t worry, there are some perks to becoming a woman. I will get into those later.

Trust me, it will all be worth it.