Money

I’ve met some weirdos in my life. Some of them are cool. Others were just straight-up creeps. Somehow, I always end up running into the latter. I didn’t fully leave the apartment. I just wanted to hang around outside for a little bit before I went back upstairs. Not like my boyfriend was going anywhere anyway. Now what to do to kill time?

That’s when I noticed that I wasn’t alone.

Against my better judgment, I turned my head. This creepy old dude was staring at me. I rolled my eyes.

“What?” I asked. He didn’t speak at first. The old man started breathing heavily. I wrinkled my nose as I backed up. He stepped closer.

“What?” I asked. The old man smiled as he wheezed. What he asked me next made me want to vomit.

“Can you pee-pee on me?” he asked. His voice came out in a raspy tone.

“What?!” I shouted. “Eww! No!” I took another step back. The old man was drooling. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a 1,000-yen bill.

“I’ll give you a 1,000 yen,” he said.

“Hell no!” I shouted. I started measuring how fast I could run. Would he follow me up those stairs? I frowned. He looked frail, but looks can be deceiving. I needed to do something first. The old man reached into his pocket and pulled out more money.

“2,000 yen?” he asked.

“Dude, I’m not a prostitute!” I said. I looked around for help. Strange how you would turn invisible to people walking by. I tried to flag down a couple walking by, but they pretended not to see me. Great job, guys. You’re a big help! The old creepy pulled out more money.

“5,000?” he asked. I raised my eyebrow. How much money did this old man have on him?

“You just want me to pee on you?” I asked.

“Yes!” he shouted.

“Why?” I asked. The old man stared at me.

“Please?” he asked. I backed up to the stairs. Although I wondered how much money this old man had on him, I wasn’t too keen on peeing on a complete stranger for it. I bit down on my lower lip when he pulled out more money. There was only one way that I could fix this.

“Uh… Listen, I’ll be more than happy to take your money,” I began. I looked around for a moment. “Not out here?” The old man looked confused.

“Follow me,” I said. I walked back into the apartment. Just as I expected, he followed me inside. I led him all the way to the ladies’ room. I ignored him snickering to himself. Just get this over with and get the hell away from him ASAP.

Let’s just say the money was dirty, but the old man was true to his word. I walked away 20,000 yen richer and he went on his merry way.

I think my boyfriend’s waited long enough.