Chapter Eighteen: I Don�t Understand:

I turned one of Hitomi�s tapes in my hand. The more I listen and read about her, the more I realize that I didn�t really know her. I keep replaying that day by the creek. She really wanted to tell me something. Hitomi wouldn�t have called me out there if she hadn�t. Then again, she didn�t tell me anything that day. I don�t think she would�ve told the truth either. Still, I can�t get that day out of my head for some reason.

I flopped back on my bed. I don�t know what I�m doing anymore. I thought I was going to take the entrance exam for Todai by the end of summer. Akemi and her friends turned that upside down for me. I can�t focus anymore. I frowned as I rolled over on my stomach. It just feels pointless now. Still, I feel like I have to do something. That�s not the only problem I have either.

I shut my eyes in frustration. Why do I keep thinking about Sakura-hime? It�s not like I have a crush on her or anything. She�s too weird. I�m not even looking for a girlfriend right now. I froze at that thought. What did I want right now? I thought I knew, but it went away the second I arrived in Hiroshima. Nothing makes sense anymore.

I opened my eyes and sighed. What�s the point of asking myself these questions? I never seem to get anywhere doing this. Yet, this is all I can do for now. I turned the tape in my hand again. I don�t even know why I�m listening to the tapes or reading the diary anymore. It just got dumped on me by her mother. Why did she come to me? Hitomi and I weren�t that close anymore. I mean, she probably didn�t have many good friends, but still�

Don�t get me wrong, Akemi�s friends are interesting people. I just don�t fit in with them. They like to party and sleep around. I just study and be nerdy as they call it. I didn�t even know that I could fight until that night. Seeing Dan�s ugly face in my head again made me grit my teeth. That bastard! Thinking about him makes me want to punch him again. He�s part of the reason Hitomi messed up her life.

That thought grinded to a halt. He�s not the only one. There are others that drove her to death. I�m sure that I am one of them too. After all, we did drift apart after junior high. I didn�t call and check on her at least once. Yet, I�m not the only one either. I reached under my bed for her diary. I keep reading this and getting nowhere, but I don�t have anything else to do with it.

�Gah! What the hell do you all want from me?!� I shouted. A knock on the door followed my question.

�What is it?� I asked.

�It�s only me,� I heard Miki say. My frustration gave way to confusion.

�Yes?� I asked.

�I�m working on a new art project,� she said. �I�m going to need your help.� I tilted my eyes as I tried to form words to speak.

�Uh� why?� I asked.

�You�re new,� she said. Somehow, that answer sounds much worse.

�Can�t you help me?� Miki asked.

�Now?� I asked.

�Yes!� she shouted. I don�t really think I have a choice at this point. I slid off of the bed, shrugging.

�Alright,� I said at last. I pulled open the door to see Miki standing on the other side, grinning at me.