Chapter XL:

To my dearest Maddie, I want to apologize. I want to say this while I still have a heart. You didn’t deserve to be dragged into my darkness. You came into my life and I should’ve turned you away. That day on Christmas was a mistake. Your sister was the one who brought us together. I could see you in her face. I shouldn’t have offer to buy that duck. The money was no object. I just shouldn’t have dragged you into my world.

I tried to get away from you. Both of you. I really did. Maybe I wasn’t clear enough with you. Maybe you chose to ignore me. Either way, wires got crossed and we ended up on this path. I only wish that we could’ve turned back before it was too late. You and your siblings had nothing to do with my darkness. On Christmas, it made things worse.

You both were so innocent. You didn’t deserve this. You should’ve lived long and happy lives. Your brothers and sisters should have been married with children. Now, their name is ruined. Ruined because of me. Okay, there is one that is still trying to stop me. That’s going to be for another time.

As for you Maddie, I remembered what you asked me all those years ago.

“Do you really love me?”

The answer is yes. I did love you. My love for you is why I tried to keep you away from me. But alas, it wasn’t enough. I want to blame her, but that isn’t enough. I already know what you would say if you were still in your right mind. You would say that it wasn’t my fault. That’s what Elizabeth would say too. But I will have to disagree with you there. You didn’t know anything about Luna until it was too late. But I will put an end to this. Luna’s dragged this out too long. I know it’s too late for you and Elizabeth. I know it’s too late Abby and all of the others. It might be too late for me. But I still have to try anyway. I don’t know if this will make it up to you or not, but I have to try. I don’t know how long it’s going to take to make this work. But will not quit until it’s over.

Until then all I can say to you, Elizabeth, Abby, and all of the women in mine is I’m sorry for all of this.