Chapter XLIV:

I don’t like the quiet. It lets me think too much. I have to be somewhere that’s noisy. Maybe closer to the battlefield. But I’m not a soldier. I wasn’t brought up to be one. I was supposed to be the reclusive man that lived in the swamp. No one bothered me. I was supposed to alone to lessen the damage.

Funny how war can bring so much misery and troubles.

These ghosts won’t leave me alone. I’m always waking up to one of them at the foot of my bed. I gave up on trying to chase them out. Another one was going to pop up anyway. What was the point? That morning, it was a union soldier sitting my room. He just stared at me. Didn’t say a word. I only looked at him once. Never spoke to him. Did not need or want to.

I hadn’t expected much to happen that day. Why would I? Most of the men were off to war. That wasn’t any of my business. Let the Americans fight in their silly war. It’s of no concern to me. Just leave me alone. I can’t take this anymore.

Suddenly, I had the feeling of someone watching me. I happened to look and see a little face looking at me. I wished that had been a ghost. One of Maddie’s brothers managed to find me. Why was he here? Curious, I walked over to the window. The little boy ducked down. I made my way to the front door.

“Hey!” I shouted. That little black boy took off running. I could hear him laughing the whole way. I puffed up my cheeks and shook my head. What was he doing here?

“Abner!” I heard in the distance. My stomach dropped. No… Don’t tell me…?

I looked up and there she was. Maddie had her hands on her hips, frowning. The little boy ran towards her.

“Don’t scared me like that again,” she said. “Let’s go!” Maddie grabbed him by the hand and dragged him back out the swamp. I resisted the urge to call out to them. I have to let them go. They can’t be dragged into my darkness. I can’t let them die. I couldn’t let them die.

I turned and walked back into my house.

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I don’t sleep well anymore. I’m either waking up from nightmares or I can’t sleep. I just gave up trying. The ghosts would be watching me anyway. Was this my life now? Right now, I stared up at the ceiling. It felt like something was sitting on my chest. My sheets and clothes were soaked in sweat. My body felt like it was on fire. I tightly shut my eyes.

Please go away. Please go away!

Fingertips caressed my chest. My body moved away from the ghostly touch. She’s appearing less and less, but she’s still around. I wish that I could forget her. But she’s not letting me. At times like this, I find myself thinking of Maddie. I have given up with shoving her out of my head. We’ll meet up again, but I still starve that off as long as I could.

But knowing my life, fate has a way of leaving me with a short end of the stick. I still hadn’t figured out how to turn the odds in my favor. I knew that I would have to hurry up and do that before it was too late. And it was only three months into this war. It didn’t look like there was going to be an end in sight.