Chapter Sixty-One: Castle of Glass:

Somehow, I just made it worse.

Madonna got pregnant—again. Judith tried to warn me. I tried to follow her advice. I really did. I wish that I could say that I didn’t know how this happened. But I have pieces that form a rather unfortunate picture.

Back then on that day I went to visit my wife, I think that’s where it started. Madonna was calm until she saw Judith behind me. The color drained from her face.

“Who is that woman?” she asked. I turned and looked behind me. Judith stood by the doorway.

“She’s just a subject,” I said. “How are you?” Madonna recoiled as I reached out to touch her. I froze.

“What’s the matter?” I asked. Her eyes looked so red. She looked like she was ready to scream. I reached forward to touch her again.

“Don’t,” Judith said behind me. I turned my head. Her face might have been stoic, but her eyes looked so cold. I stepped back from my wife. Madonna looked like she was ready to scream. Angry tears filled her eyes.

“You…” she said. “You did this to me.”

“I know,” I said. “I am so sorry.”

“Liar.”

“Don’t say that.” I reached out for her, but Judith touched my shoulder. I turned my head. She had a grim look on her face as she shook hers.

“But…” I said. Judith started to pull me away. She dragged me back to the doorway. I reached out in vain to my wife. I will never forget the anger on Madonna’s face. She started mumbling something to me. I grabbed the door frame.

“What is it?” I asked. The hate in her eyes made my heart ache.

“Coward,” she said. “You are nothing but a coward. Let me go.”

“Honey, you can’t mean that,” I said. The next few words to come out of her mouth really stuck a knife in me.

“I want to go home,” she said. Judith dragged me away before I could say another word.

It should’ve ended there. I should’ve let her go. But I just couldn’t do that. Even through all of that, I still had some symbolism of love for her. Even that was starting to wear thin.

“You have to let her go,” Judith whispered in the hallway. “This is killing her. She already resents you. This has gone on long enough.”

“I still have two more years,” I said.

“Then live them out and let her go,” she said. “You are only making it worse by keeping her here.” Judith had a point. I should’ve listened to her. I would’ve but things became more complicated. Okay, that’s a bit of a lie. But that’s basically what happened. It all started with a couple of bombs on Japan.

But first, I had to go and see Madonna in her room—again. At that moment, I wished Judith stopped me. Maybe then, the problem wouldn’t have been as worse as it was now. For now, I was desperate to reach my wife.