Chapter Twenty-Seven: Reaching Out:

“Nancy? Nancy? Hey! Hey!” A hand shook my shoulder. I about jumped when I turned my head. Paul stared at me with those dull eyes of his.

“Are you alright?” he asked. I stared at him.

“What happened?” he asked. I pressed my lips together.

“She’s dead. My mum is dead,” I said. My eyes welled up with tears.

“Oh…” was all that he could say. He didn’t seem to know what to do. I broke down crying.

Part of me hoped that I heard wrong. The message didn’t come in too clear through the static. Maybe it was someone else’s mother. Yeah. That had to be it. That had to be. That had to be. So why can’t I stop crying?

Paul said nothing as he patted me on the shoulder.

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The rest of the day disappeared in a haze around me. I sat there on the couch in a daze. Paul tried to talk to me, but he didn’t reach me. My daughter couldn’t reach me. Even the dog barking did little to stir me. If Paul was talking, he sounded like he was miles away.

“Just leave her alone for now.” That was the only thing that made it through my haze. I didn’t eat or sleep. I think my brain just checked out after the news.

I don’t remember when I snapped back into reality. Paul was standing in front of me, frowning.

“Huh?” I asked.

“Are you okay?” he asked. I shook my head. He sat down next to me. I turned my head. He looked like he wanted to say something but didn’t know what to say. He reached out and patted me on the shoulder. Usually, I would try and say something that would be a critique of his behavior. I couldn’t think of anything. We just sat there in silence. There was a clock ticking in the background.

I pressed my lips together.

What was I going to do now? I was the one who planned everything. I had nothing. I couldn’t even function. Paul stood up next to me.

“Right. I’m going to get you something to eat,” he said.  “You haven’t had anything to eat since yesterday. I’ll be right back.” I grabbed him by the wrist as he walked away.

“Hey!” he shouted as he tried to pull away. “What are you doing? Let go. Let go!” He fought me as I couldn’t let go. Paul stopped when he saw the look on my face.

“Oh…” he said quietly. He sat down next to me without saying a word. I rested my head on his shoulder. I don’t know why any of that happened. My mind was on autopilot at that point. I think I was just tired. I didn’t even know how long I was out of it. In that moment, I just didn’t want to be alone anymore.

“Don’t leave me,” I pleaded. Either Paul didn’t say anything or I didn’t remember what he said just before I closed my eyes. I dropped off to sleep. My last thought was this being nice just to be by Paul’s side.