Chapter Seven: Make That Money:

Now that you are grown, money does fall in your hands so easily. You have to work your ass off for that money. Clearly, this is not directed to the super rich. This is for rest of us. You rich folk can skip this unless you got disowned or lose your money.

First, you have to get a job.

This alone is a paradox in itself. You can’t get a job unless you have experience. Now, that doesn’t make any sense. Shouldn’t you get the job in order to get the experience? Why do you have to have experience before if you are looking for a job for the first time? I think this is just an American thing. I swear, America is backwards at times. Anyway, lets walk through the whole process of getting a job.

First, you have to fill out the application. You can’t make a mess on the paper. Everything has to look proper. No nicknames or slang. Write in a language your potential employer will understand. Chicken starch equals trash can. So, learn how to write better. If you are typing out your answers, do not do text speak. Like chicken starch, text speak equals deletion. When you are done, have someone look over it for you.

Next comes the waiting. Oh god, the waiting. You are not the only one looking for a job. There are some who are older and have more experience than you do who want to make money. The bosses will take their sweet time of looking through each application before they pick out who they want. You look at your and hope it will ring. It does and… it’s just family calling to check on you. Darn it. Back to waiting again. So annoying. It’s worse when you get rejected. It’s either you aren’t what we are looking or the position is taken. It feels like getting teased by a hot person. When you do get that call and they want you, it’s time for the interview.

You have to look nice for this. You come in wearing jeans and a t-shirt, your ass is gone. You have to wear a suit, dress, or skirt and blouse. Everything has to fit. Nothing can be hanging out. Everything has to be clean, including you. Bathe. Bathe. Bathe! It can’t be stressed enough. You don’t want to kill innocent people when you walk into the room. Deodorant is your friend. Brush your teeth too. Don’t kill the interview with your breath. Use a mirror to get those last kinks out. After that’s done, you are ready to go.

Be on time. Remember, you need this money! If you screw up early on, you will go back to square one. Once you get there, you will have to more waiting. There should be a metal for all of the waiting you have to do to get to this point. When they do call you, it’s show time.

Answer all question in a clear voice. Sit up straight. Don’t ask about money. Blah. Blah. Blah. Basically, just be proper and have positive attitude the whole time. Remember, you need this money! Fake it if you have to. You need the money! Once that’s done, more waiting. Whoopie! So annoying! You could do a follow-up after the interview, but it won’t really speed anything along.

You might not get the job. Again with the annoying teasing and then going back to square one. But, let’s say you got another call back. That’s means you have to do the whole interview thing over again. It’s all so annoying, but it will be worth it. You need this money! When you do get the job, heaven will start singing to you. There will be more headaches with your job of choice, but I will get into that later. In fact, come with me and I will keep on talking.