Meal Time

*Saito*

I don�t believe in divorce. Only if a marriage is really dangerous. With that said, my own marriage is not great.

Misato and I have been separated for two years. We got married in �98. Our daughter was born in �02. It started to weaken at the end of �99. Or was it earlier? I cannot recall.

We don�t live together anymore. She has the house and I live in a small apartment in the city. However, it�s not over so easily.

Every evening, I go to her house and have dinner. I pulled up in the driveway for the nightly meal. Misato waited at the front door for me. We never speak at first. I shook my head at her.

�You don�t have to wait up for me,� I informed her.

�I know,� she said.

�Then why do it?�

She shrugged at me. �Old habit, I guess.� That�s just like her. Misato adjusts to change easily for comfort. She goes for the comfortable blindly. I can�t tell her I�m dying. She couldn�t take it.

�I see,� I said.

�Daddy!� I heard someone cry. I looked and saw Kinue-chan running towards me. She hugged on my legs. I patted her on the head.

�Hello Kinue-chan,� I said. �How are you?�

�Great!� she cheered. �I got a gold star today!� I laughed.

�I�m so happy for you,� I said. �For that, I will buy you cake.�

�Yay!� Kinue-chan cheered. �Cake!� I turned to her mother.

�So, what�s for dinner?� I asked. She put on her best mask.

�Motsunabe,� she replied. I managed a little smile. She still makes my favorites after all this time.

Dinner is always quiet. Misato and I don�t even look at each other the whole time. Kinue-chan sits between us at the table. She�s become sort of a barrier between us. The glue holding the family together in a sense. Because of her, I came here.

No. That�s not it.

I come home because I want to. I need to.

I glanced at my wife. What happened to us? We didn�t cheat. We didn�t fight. There still is no bitterness between us. We just� drifted apart.

I am married to my work and Misato wanted to grow into her own person. We still love each other, but we needed to be alone for a while.

Nothing really changed. Our marriage wasn�t on fire. We lived a normal married life. Nothing special really. Even Misato�s bonsai trees had more life to them than our relationship did. Still, we can�t let go. We just can�t.

�Would you like more?� Misato asked. I nodded at her.

�Yes, please,� I said. She served me more food. Kinue-chan ate up quietly. She knows what�s going on; I can tell. Children know when something�s wrong. They are sensitive like that.

After dinner, I helped Kinue-chan get ready for bed and read her a story. Once she was asleep, I took my leave. Misato saw me out the door.

�Thank you for dinner,� I mumbled.

�You�re welcome,� my wife replied. I walked out the door, got in my car, and drove back to my apartment. Somehow, I want to keep doing this before I die.

I don�t believe in divorce.