Rabbit Hole

*Phoenix*

October.

The fall’s colder this year. I think I might be sick. Maybe it’s the curse. Maybe it’s the cold. I tried not to think about it. I pushed myself to keep walking. The world feels different now. I keep smelling blood everywhere. Everyone gives me strange looks. I don’t like it. I mean, they shared at me before. But, that was because they thought I was weird. This type of staring is different. They see me like the devil. I don’t like it. I’m just in a complicated situation. Complicated and brutal. I tried not to think about it.

I made it over to that lake. I stared down into the murky water below. This is it. They pulled Katie’s body out of this lake. This is the place. I see blood in the water. I blinked hard. No, it’s not real blood. I step back, nauseated. I think I might throw up. I shut my eyes and sink my head down. The blood is so vivid now.

I can hear myself taking deep breaths. I can’t feel it though. I can’t feel my body anymore. It’s just… space all around.

The blood is getting worse. Three months and it keeps getting worse. The sight. The smell. I can’t stand it. But whose blood is it, I cannot say. I wish it would go away.

The blood swirls in my head. Swirls like the ocean opening scene Ringu. The smell is so putrid. Why? Why does it make itself known to me? How do I make it stop? How do I end all of this?

In that blood sea, however, I hear a voice. A soft, airy whisper. Almost singing to me.

Twinkle, twinkle little star.

How I wonder what you are.

Up above the sky so high.

Like a diamond in the sky.

Twinkle, twinkle little star.

How I wonder what you are.

It sounds like Katie, but the voice is so faint. I know my lips are moving to try and sing the song, but I can’t feel them or hear my own voice. The blood has blocked out my senses.

Suddenly, someone poked me on the arm. I jerked my head upwards. A street worker stared me in the face.

“You okay there?” he asked me. It took a while for me to answer. I finally nodded slowly.

“Yeah,” I lied. “I feel fine.”

“Are you sure?” he asked. “You look so pale.” I held up my hand.

“Please,” I said. “I will be fine.” I pushed myself to feet and began walking away.

I have to stop doing that.

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