Chapter XXXIX:

Maddie shouldn’t have spoken to me in the first place. Maybe then she wouldn’t have been driven into madness. Maybe then I wouldn’t have ruined her life. Maybe then she wouldn’t have died.

I thought that moment in the market was going to be the last time I saw her. Christmas just had to come and make things worse. I had just planned to stay in my shack and wait for the day to pass. That shouldn’t have been so hard, right? Fate and I have never gotten along. That Christmas came as a harsh reminder of that.

It started with whispering in my ear. I turned over in bed and gritted my teeth. Please leave me alone. Can’t you let me rest for one day? I have been staying away from everyone. The strange thing was that I didn’t need to eat or drink. I could just live for days that way.

“Merry Christmas,” I said to myself. I could feel Elizabeth’s eyes on me from the corner. I held up an empty cup in my hand. I acted like I was drinking wine. What was I doing? I laughed dryly to myself. Was I going mad? Why do I still ask myself the question? Honestly, I don’t know anymore. I shook my head to myself. Here came another Christmas alone.

Suddenly there was a knock on my door.

I turned my head. Huh? Who was that at my door? Probably someone who got lost in the swamp. Well, I will just give them directions and send them on their way. I got up and walked over to the front door. When I opened the door, my stomach dropped.

She looked up at big eyes. How did this woman find me? I shook my head. Oh, it’s not her. Why am I seeing her face? Those big eyes made my heart hurt.

“Excuse me,” this girl said. “I seem to have lost one of my little brothers. Have you seen him?”

“No,” I said. “No one really comes to this part of the swamp.”

“Oh…” she said.

“What does he look like?” I asked. This child looked like that woman I met in the market. I tried not to focus on her round light brown face or her deep brown eyes. My eyes locked onto her bunny-like nose.

“Curly black hair. Brown eyes. Brown pants and a white shirt,” she said. I looked at her wide forehead.

“Is he white or black?” I asked.

“Black,” she said.

“Then no,” I said.

“Okay…” the child said. It should’ve ended there. I stared at the little girl’s right cheek as I thought about sending her to the road. Just get her to the road and go back inside.

“Hey, have you eaten anything yet?” I asked.

 “No,” the little child said. What was I saying? Why was I doing this? Had I become that lonely? But I couldn’t stop. My words just tumbled out of my mouth.

“Come with me,” I said. “I can take you to market and buy you the fattest goose from the meat shop.” I could tell the child was staring up at me.

“Do you mean it?” she asked. I stared at her little chin.

“Yes,” I said. “I mean, you could take it home to your family. I’m in the Christmas spirit today. What do you say?” I caught a glance of her eyes. They seemed to be glazed over with hunger.

“Alright,” she said. I put out my hand to her.

“Come on, let’s get going,” I said. The child reached up to take my hand. My heart raced against my chest. I gulped hard.

“Abby!” we heard in the distance. We looked up to see a figure in a simple cotton dress running towards us. I tilted my head as I tried to get a better look. The child waved her little hand in the air.

“Sissy!” she shouted. “I’m over here!” The child stood on her tiptoes as she waved faster. The figure stopped and looked up at us. My stomach dropped as I got a better look at the figure as they ran closer. No… It can’t be… The child ran over to that woman.

“Maddie!” she shouted. “This man said that he’s going to get us the fattest goose from market!” The child pointed to me as she spoke. Maddie looked up at me with a strange look on her face.

“Is that right?” she asked. I stood, frozen. I couldn’t back out of this now.

“Uh… yes,” I said. I held out my hands to them. “Would you like to come with me to the market to get it?